Sunday, March 20, 2005

Math Class Tribute

So guess where I am.

Its not that hard. I'm in my bed with the lights off again. Except i'm listening to James tonight... *Sigh* Fire and Rain is my third most played song, after the Shins. I haven't listened to the Shins for so long. They bring back all these memories i'm subtly trying to forget. The concert in Asheville is 18+ though... but Sandi said we can get dad to call.

Everyone knows that everything I type on my blog i would share with everyone any ways, right. Sandi and I were talking about this today with her live journal. I'm not hiding anything. Actually I am, I hide a lot but late at night I slip under my covers with my laptop on my lap and i'm really happy. A few people I don't hide with and they know who they are.

I just reread my entire blog. It took awhile. Matt read it, which made me want to make sure I said nothing on here that I shouldn't have. I didn't change anything. Their are a lot of small typos in here. I'm sorry. You know what i'm trying to say, spell check automatically changes things. ;) I ... love how Matt read it. I found this brilliant new song tonight. It played on the OC on Thursday. (lets see five days until i'll be there)(!) Brendan Benson... What I'm Looking For. I searched for awhile to find a free download I wanted it so badly. Download If you save the page as an MP3 then you can load it on itunes. So now its on my ipod! I'm so handy. Oh Yoko is always stuck in my head. I blame Keith.

I got in an argument with Ryan during second period... ok not an argument. A friendly discussion (unlike the ones i have with Samantha about legalizing pot) about the meaning of Fire and Rain. I promise you his friend died, while Ryan thinks she just checked out of the hospital. I'm looking it up now. Oh! the other site Georgia turned me on to last night. Ah, me being a music geek. OC music have fun. YES! i think i'm right! Look! She did commit suicide! Holy shit i'm cruel.

James Taylor makes me think of the long talks we would all have in Canada. Driving from one end of the island to the other arguing about his heroin addiction.

Last year my parents found this spot about a mile from the road. My dad brought me to it one night and we walked under these huge trees until we came looking out upon the water. A small clear pool lay under this old willow tree. Starfish sat in the water, and a huge mountain hung behind us. As we always do me and dad talked about trust, and the odyssey, boys, this old rusty pole was stuck in the rock so if you wanted to swim you could climb in holding on to it. The water was shallow at low tide and I kept sliding down it, getting better and better each time. Sure it was childish but i didn't care and I don't care now. We talked for over two hours next to the bright blue water that we were basically standing on. Once in awhile I would stand up and we would jump across a few rocks. I attempted to climb a tree a few times, but yet we still talked. These are one of those memories you try to tell a hundred times. It was one of the most content memories i have. I understood life for a few moments there. It left as quickly as it came, but it was there. You don't believe me? Then don't, I didn't want to ever leave after that day. That day is the reason I have to go back to that island. I've grown up so much since then. I have to keep saying that but its true. This year was such a step up. Now I feel like it was useless to explain that memory to all of you. (you? who are you anymore) It was such an important moment the only way I can describe it is if I half brush it off. Does that make sense?

I'm scared now. I have things to lose, have I told you that already? Suddenly I care more than I should.

Can I tell you all something very very dumb. I'm very scared about the end of Math Class. I think only us six really get it. Not to block out everyone else, that's not what its like. Its us six sitting in the annex Thursday with no teacher. Michael plays absentmindedly with the blinds cord as usual. It wrapped around his finger as he pulls it back and forth. I lie in the corner of the big couch. I'm curled up and messing with my hiking boots. Josh sits across from us slowly cursing under his breath. A few weeks ago our entire class got in a 'debate'. We do Mathletes sheets every week, I had rounded to the nearest hundredth instead of the tenth. I had done this on two different problems. They were correct just had an extra number on the end. I was defending my argument of why I should get full credit. Dru and Nate were both bribed by me to go on my side while Michael fought tooth and nail against me. I usually don't pull a Samantha and start screaming at the class. I didn't quite. Instead I just told them this was stupid very loudly and told David that I would hate him forever if he didn't give me full credit. The next day the argument continued. That time I ended up glaring at Michael while Josh repeated himself with his one argument. "Fuck you." I ended up getting half credit. It's to much effort to care still. Ah lunch, Nate locking the keys in the car. The mints at Chinese 35. Dru and I pestering David endlessly about his alleged affair with Leon. And as Dru likes to remind me constantly the time I called David "Hot and sexy," On accident, I swear I swear! After Dru added "No Rebecca just dreams about teachers." Thanks Dru! David if you haven't realized is our teacher, but as we tell him he can never love a class as much as us ever. We are so cruel to the poor man but we love him more than anything. He lets us be us in a way no other teacher can. The thing is once in awhile we do learn, in-between Michael complaining and explaining. "Let me just show you," "No Michael David can do it just fine." Nate playing paper football on his calculator, Dru and I giggling, and Josh cursing. Our dumb plans of how we are going to fake confusion at the next postulate. The way we fight one extra point on a test. And the reminder that we will never have us just us again after this year. I attempt to draw perfect circles on the board, before Dru and I give all the guys pleading looks as we beg to borrow their calculators. Dru and I doing our homework in the bathroom before class. My lack of being able to be quiet when I laugh. Begging to read Monday Notes and me always drinking David's black coffee.
Thursday it was like how it used to be when David neglected us for that short period of time. Michael is still playing with the cord as i'm showing off my fencing bruises to Nate. Dru is off near the cubbies with Henry listening to Pearl Jam on his Ipod. She soon comes over and I launch in to some story about my life. I reasure everyone I know what basketball team is playing what team this weekend though secretly I have no idea. Michael begs me to come to the volleyball game again and I want to go. Josh is still cursing and before I know it Henry is lying on the top of the couch with his clogs very near my head. I laugh as Henry stands up again brushing himself off. He soon sits on the couch across from us as Dru looks out the window and points 'Oh! hot people!" I stand to see Aubrey and Sho. Nate wraps on the window and we all duck as a unit, soon realizing that was dumb we all sit up again. Dru and Michael start to argue about French and I sigh, turning to Nate about Spanish homework. We both realize we should do it before its due in about an hour. Soon all of us are sitting still. None of us have anything to say. Henry pipes up with the only thing he can... 'Kemps?" We all groan. Dru and I smile, there's no point in playing any ways. We always win. Josh and Nate always lose and Henry and Michael are close contenders. Our Kemp playing days have been long over. We sat for a few more moments until Michael says, "You all have to talk to me after I leave this year." Of course we will , we reasure him though we can't be certain it will be true. We go around asking each person if they are staying or not. No one knows for certain. Things that are certain scare us. We are certain though that goofing off with a few smart kids is kind of fun. I hate how much I enjoy this class, this group of people. My small ramblings was my way to attempt to tell you what we do in the Annex for forty five minutes everyday. Thursday we all decided we wanted to only eat lunch with each other. We ran down to the school store and stalked up on Peanut M&M's and Chips Ahoy. Were all ready to have our picnic lunch when Nancy comes in. Her face is harsh and we quickly stash the food in our pockets. We are sent out and as we gather our back packs we slowly head back to the main building. I hand out the M&M's any ways.

The play at DSA was quite fun last night. Fowlers was fun, Blueberry lollypops kind of gross. Matt? phobia about germs. haha. besides that he's great. But seriously the lollypop tasted really bad. Georgia? felt awkward. Nina freaked out a tiny bit before we headed to fowlers. I for one had a fine time. ;) So I guess I have a boyfriend now. I mean yeah. I'm slowly getting over my commitment phobia because i'm realizing its not that bad. Actually it can be kind of nice. Really nice. Hm boyfriends aren't that bad. :) Chai lattes are brilliant, brilliant. I wish I was english. Or something super cool like that. I am so tired. Its so funny, I don't want to go to bed because then I have to brush my teeth and play my song and take my contacts out... but I don't really want to type anymore either. I hope you guys have fun reading this mess of my life.

I really look up to those who went to Fayetville today, Fort Bragg I think. Maybe not, they unlike the rest of us lazy slobs are marching against this war. All i'm doing is preaching. Damn president...


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