Wednesday, April 27, 2005


I'm sore and bruised.

Such a little amount of people drive on my street at six on a Wednesday afternoon. I never noticed how few cars drove by on such a busy rode. So, i'm walking practically alone on one of the busiest non-highway streets in Durham. Walking home I panicked with the quietness and tried to sip my Latte quietly. Right now pages of information are being printed for my research paper. I'm going to have fun tonight with my ipod and a highlighter. I really can't wait until the Spegetti on the stove is ready.

Last night on the way back from fencing I was talking about images and school and how i've checked out of the year. In this time I quickly made a list of five people that I don't hate at this moment. Okay, yes i'm exaggerating... no I don't hate everyone, not anymore. Once I got home I started loving everyone again like I always do. I was telling my mom and counting on my fingers. She asks, "You even hate the little boys?"
"Yes" I say "I want them to go away, they're annoying so is everyone."

The figures have increased and I actually don't hate anyone anymore though its only been 24 hours since the initial list was made.

I was also really upset fencing was over for the year. Two people showed up for class, me and Matt. We were supposed to have a tournament but as it was just us we fenced for two hours. I did so terribly. I freaked out a little bit, and would rip my mask off and exclaim that " I Know what i'm doing wrong, don't tell me, I know what I have to do but i'm just not doing it." I could have done so much better then I was doing. In the end I beat him once, and wasn't doing as poorly at the beginning. Every time Matt would get me, because of his long arms (damn) or my incomplete attack or pere I would grab his blade every time it hit me. Ah its fun to fence your boyfriend.... especially when you get a small hug in-between matches and your using your brand new epee. This is my problem I love to fence. I am so obsessed and in love with the sport itself. Finally a sport where I enjoy doing it enough I beg my parents for me to do more. Rebecca getting in to a sport! Who would have thought. Yeah the one and a half hours of crouching down with a heavy weapon has made me very sore and very bruised everywhere. I lifted my backpack after first period and dropped it because it hit a bruise on my arm. Sam S. felt sorry for me so he carried it two rooms down to second period.

I can here zaboomafoo in the other room. I love the Kratt brothers, you have no idea.

I hate soccer. I hate it so much. During soccer I don't get along with the team, or the coach. I don't do team sports. I mentally can't deal with the win or lose not coming completely from me. I have to freak out because of my failures not my teams. Anywise I just sit on the bench while Aja makes out with the pole to impress Dave.

Passover was brilliant.

I have this really bad habit lately of when I know something is right I agree saying "Seriously, I know, for real." Really quickly

Finally we had passover at the house which means my dad was leading it which means fun. Actually the whole day was fun. In the morning I did service over at the Rescue Mission in Durham which was actually really nice. Later Matt came back to the house and we went with my father to rent the chairs from the "Best Rental" place around the corner. The woman behind the desk was giving my dad stuff to sign while Matt and I stood back discussing Christmas. The woman asked my dad who we were, and my dad told her that we were his daughter and a friend of hers.
"I have a daughter" The woman said "And she's not having any 'friends' until she's 30."
My dad laughed. I grinned at Matt.
But she doesn't stop there... instead says "yes, I had her when I was 18. That's me a dummy" She stands up and points to herself. "I'm a walking advertisement for birth control" She sighs, mumbles a little more about it to my dad then looks up "Pull the car around the back..."

When we get outside my dad laughs and starts talking about her. The garage door in front of us opens and she's standing behind it. We go quiet quickly.

Later Matt and I walk to ninth street because he's never been. We tie my dog up on the fire hose which I think is illigil. What can I say, we like to rebel. I quickly lost Matt to a biology book of all things. I kept asking him as we were sitting downstairs in the regulator ... are you serious? He would nod and point to a cell telling me that was his favorite type of something. It wasn't boring, i'm a dork too actually I thought it was really cool, but definitely not as cool as he did. We came home and helped set up for the night. I showed Matt my movie for school and I mentioned Nate and spanish. Matt kind of gave me a look and i was like No me and Nate aren't anything. Matt says playing in the rain? I laughed. So he did pay attention when he read my blog. That wasn't like that, I said and dropped the subject.

When the Bryces and Otis' family did come I can admit the three of us fencers sitting on the steps was a little non-including though we invited Nina to come sit but she politely refused. This year we got to use the hagadas (books) that my grandmother Ellen wrote twenty years ago. It was a lot nicer to have something that was the families. We quickly ran through the glasses of wine and the four questions. Which Nina, Elena, and I had to sing... ugh. Passover is always nice. Even last year which was the most hellish four hours of my life I will remember forever. Nina and I always get tipsy, always eat to much, always argue at least once. Passover is the solid part of my year where I know for a few hours the whole family will pretend to care about religion, dad and Sarah will argue, my little brothers will burst in to tears, and my dad will make the sound effects for Hadgadya.

We had new energy this year, a lot of non jewish people added to it. Someone who hadn't done it every year was needed.

As always the seder started out with my dad breaking the middle matzah explaining the affikomin. "Were all going to take a bight of this to start."
"Not that one," Sarah says. I actually think she is right and my dads wrong but on orders from my dad i'm supposed to stick up for him when the women get bossy. I hide in my chair hoping he's forgotten this promise.
The half argue for half a minute. My dad then sighs and says "Well if their wasn't something wrong with it we wouldn't be jewish would we."

The night was really fun.

Last night, Tuesday I fell asleep with my Rolling Stone Album guide on top of me while watching a Bruce concert. My contacts were in when i woke up this morning.

Oh! look what I

And these entertained me endlessly today here

I've been so busy and confused. I felt so disconnected today and Mariah told me that i'm always out of it but that's part of my charm. Great. I don't think that's true is it? I guess I should collapse back in to my depressing existence of text messaging Joe on my cell phone until i go to bed. Or maybe I wont reply and go straight to bed. I wish I was going to sectionals this weekend! Damn it.
Though tomorrow won't be that bad. I think my good mood might last, which is a relief. I really don't want to talk about me lately though. Henry asks me to talk and I keep asking him, no no just let me listen to you for awhile. And I think I'm losing my mind.


Blogger Shayna said...

I LOVE YOU!!!! just remember that, okay?

x o x o

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a great read. I LOVE JEWS!!!!! i was just looking at kurt cobains journals(im not sure if i will read them i just thought it was intersting) and i saw this on the side.

its one of the funniest things ive seen on amazon. i love kurt cobain by the way. it was funny though cuase i was like haha thats so me (and you) on some of the things (yeah you guessed it the satanic bible;)
oh well hope you liked it ttyl.

your friend the wannabe musician.

"id rather, be famous, than rightous, or holy, any day any day, any day. mr. shankly" i love that song did you like it?

12:04 AM  

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