Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Its that time of year again where suddenly no one is paying any attention to anything except the gossip and themselves. I took my dog on a walk today down to Ooh La Latte, I was attempting to go to the coffee bean or something like that but the NCSSM students scared me because they were walking in groups to ninth street. Instead I turned off on Englewood and went to the Untidy and Ooh La... The guy who always works there was working. Somehow nina had known him before, we talked all about his story one summer day when we walked down there. This little blond girl was sitting at the counter, she must have been about four or five. She had perfect blonde hair and she stood on the chair instead of sitting. I know who her mom is, this is the girl who goes to all the concerts and sits in the back with a sticker book. She's the girl who's mom has long pink hair but is as sweet as can be. This is the girl who spends all her time listening to rock music and hanging out at a coffee shop with pink and black pokadot walls. I always wanted to be this girl. The other girl who works at Latte doesn't look any older than seventeen so either she dropped out of school or is older than I think. I'm jealous of her hair cut and then feel bad when that's the first thing I think about when I walk in to the shop. She's eating a bagel and playing with the little blond hair girl. They look so happy together, the little girl laughs "You don't live alone!"
"No I don't, I have a cat,"
"You don't live alone you have a cat!" the little girl cracks up hysterically and the bagel girl can't stop smiling. I stepped back waiting in line and it was one of those things were suddenly I wanted to be either of them. The little five year old, or that girl who ends up working in a coffee shop on broad street her whole life. Either of them would work perfectly for me. Suddenly I stood in the middle of the shop feeling really lame. I played with the stickers they had on the counter thinking that would make my life seem like it had a point. But still I kept watching the two out of the corner of my eye. The blonde girl left a few minutes later with her mom who took her hand and smiled back at the girl still sitting at the counter. The little one waved and I smiled at her then left with my iced chai to walk back to my utterly lame existence.

I love to fence. I wore my fencing shirt today with my black skirt and Nate turns to me during hellishly long fifth period. "Is that your fencing shirt?" Yes, I told him, and he smiled sympathetically. Josh who teaches my private lessons is wonderful, besides the fact that I can barely pay attention because its nine o clock and i'm tired. He finally drilled it in my head to lunge instead of advance which for some reason is difficult for me resulting in me not getting away fast enough which means a poke in the face which is kind of scary if you don't expect it. Except when I really started to try I did well.

"... everyday she wears the same thing i think she smokes pot..."

I just learned my Epee teachers name last night though. After what 4 months with him I realized it's Joe. A few weeks ago I told him I would remember his name finally. I woke up this morning and I remembered meaning I think I know it now. My bad hearing came back too I think and now the only times I can't hear what he's saying is when me and Matt are poking each other. Hehe um me and Matt fencing doesn't work besides him lunging at me and beating me up and us cracking up hysterically at something completely dumb the other one did. Joe kept rolling his eyes at us as we weren't doing the drill at all. We did it once in the end after laughing for awhile, then as we were showing Joe we could do it right Matt taps his foot which is a move called like p.. something and then does the drill. And he says, "Because when I tap my foot suddenly she walks in to my blade and I hit her." Or something like that. It was dumb. We couldn't stop laughing. Joe pretended to ignore it.

Today my father let us sleep in yesss (said in napoleon dynamite way) We're having third period in the gym to do the worksheets on our learning centers and I walked in and got started. Mollie yells for me, "Rebecca your here!" I went and found her sitting on the couch pretending to work with Maxine. I talked to her for a second before Sam S. yells "Rebecca?!? Do I hear Rebecca? Is Rebecca here?!?" I turn to see him with his hands outstretched. I was like "Yeah, hey sam" I give him a hug and he picks me up and kind of twirls me around. "I missed you!" He says
"I don't have any classes with you until third period, I usually don't see you until now any ways," I said half laughing.
"Untrue, I looked for you." He kind of gazes off then returns back to me. "Yeah but your here now"
I ended up hanging out with both Sams doing the worksheets all class. I don't let them copy completely though they beg endlessly. And if you are interesting in the small 'Sam saga' going on now. I am not part of it at all me and Sam just talk about it but I am completely not involved.

Time is still slipping away from me. I think I have so much time but before I know it its Wednesday. Dru told me she likes the dialog on here. That's what i'm known for I guess. Its so hard, I love to sit and watch people and think about long philosophical things to think about and write. I don't usually, but I write what I need to. I am so grateful that my mom hasn't told me to go to bed quite yet I think she's starting to learn I need this. I'm listening to my group of songs that I love so when played on shuffle I never get a song I really dislike.

I'm reading three things right now. I've really started reading again and I forgot how much I love it. Catch-22, To Kill A Mockingbird (for school yet i'm almost done though we are only assigned 10 chapters), and this book called sex, drugs and cocoa puffs. I bet you've heard about it. Its a book full of endless essays by a geeky guy who realized he can't ever actually love anyone. It gets very annoying in parts, its some guy just bitching endlessly about why modern culture has turned him in to an evil person and he loves it. I think most of what he says is brilliant because I can completely agree. Most of the topics he has brought up have been things that I have thought about cynically but could never express without coming across as a well, ass hole. He has an entire chapter on why soccer sucks. Its brilliant. I didn't know anyone else had the loathing for this sport as much as me. Of course I do play it on the team and enjoy it a lot, as I sit on the bench and talk with Grace. Though playing can be fun when Samantha isn't screaming at you, which I understand she has to do as I have no idea what i'm doing. But this entire essay is perfect in my mind ok let me see he says ... I just went downstairs to get the book i felt like I needed you guys to read what he wrote. The reason i picked up this book in the first place was because as I am not the most mature thing in the world I saw the colorful title and the word sex and started to read it in the book store of the LAX airport. I had read about five pages when I guy with square glasses, thin, tall, short black hair, tight jeans, black backpack, and red T-shirt like Seth Cohn wears told me that the book was "really good, slow in some parts but I really enjoyed it." I told him it was really good so far and we talked for about half a minute. After that I felt like I had a duty to finish it. "They won't be satisfied until we're all systematically brainwashed in to thinking soccer is cool and that placing eighth (after poland!) is noble." Doesn't make much sense because you haven't read the book. Well i will happily let you borrow it after my mom reads it. My favorite part is in-between essays he has little mini comments. One is 23 questions I ask everybody I meet in this order to decide If I can really love them. Damn this book is so annoying... ok i'll answer the questions tomorrow and post them on here. Then I want to hear other peoples answers.

My dad got this book about these japanese woman Gysha or something. I sound terrible that I don't know the real name. It doesn't matter. Basically he read this book and wouldn't stop talking about it exclaiming that he didn't know that they weren't prostitutes they were in another class all together and on and on. He told me the same thing about three times, along with my mom. He wants us both to read it and have a 'family book group'. He told us this while we were watching Dora the Explorer with my little brothers. My mom had gotten trashy magazines for me and her, US and Star... we were on both ends of our couch which is kind of shaped like an L. I was on one end her the other. My dad sat in the corner as usual with a baby on both side. We were both deeply emerged in our magazines coming up for air once in awhile to say something like "Look! Brad is all over Jolie!" I would shove the picture in my dads face and my mom would nod. "Brittany's fat mom! she's gotten fat!" My dad would attempt to talk to us at different intervals, did i tell you about the Gysha book? Me and mom would both look at each other, sigh and say as a unit "Yes, many times."
"I'm just so interested," He says "I didn't know they weren't high class prostitutes."
We nod
"I mean its not every day that you learn something new at forty three. You guys have to read it..." He breaks off when he notices we aren't paying attention.
"Awe poor dad... " I say then turn back to my magazine.


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