Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Fourth

Fuck

So if you knew about my day you would understand why my nails are barely existent. I've spent the entire day chewing them, because i've been nervous and stressed out, and loud so to silence myself i stick my fingers in my mouth. So much for giving up biting my nails. The cuticles are ragged and i've started biting underneath the nail, ripping out the skin growing back. This is painful sure sometimes, but as i've attempted to explain its better then cutting myself, which could be my other choice of therapy. So yes, I spent all afternoon chewing my fingernails down to a quick, jumping around my room in an amazingly good mood and not doing the research paper due on Wednesday. Just one thing, everyone realizes i'm allowed to have fun right. Nothing in my life is serious, this is my problem. I'm terrified of anything that can't change, and i'm nieve enough to think that things I don't want to change wont. So i'm just trusting my instincts and i'm having the best time of my life.

I told Molli she was insane and she jumped on top of me during first period. It kind of interrupted class as we were in the middle of the classroom me saying "Kidding!Kidding!" as loud as i could as she kicked me way to hard in the shins. Sam was playing with my hair tie on my hand and kind of leaning on me so we got told by Adam mid sentence "Save the fondling for after class guys." Which prompted me to kind of jab Sam hard in the ribs. We got our learning center scores back. Which was nice because Adam definitely learned the way to stay on my good side and to keep me in a good mood is to praise me. Then during class I thought of this comparison of the Swift Boat Veterans adds to Fahrenheit 9-11 and it was the kind of discussions I had been missing in class. I love when you have a roll where you think of a connection and end up rolling with it and everyone is listening to you. Then someone perks up with an argument and you get to form a rebuttal in your mind. This is why I miss that one trimester of Debate last year. I feel like I was meant to argue with people.

And then Nate and I walk in to the fourth year meeting fifteen minutes late just as Renee is talking about responsibility on the trip and everyone glares at us and that's why Renee isn't exactly that happy with me. "We were studying spanish... sorry." I say and sit down and make sure I don't say another word the entire time.

Then Tuesday happened, and now were here. And my nails are still not there. And i've finished classes and i'm so tired I think I might sleep for awhile.

And spanish class is over, and so is dance, and I almost cried during fourth period because I couldn't believe this year was over.

So i'm still not going to talk about what's going on... its dumb... and everyone knows any ways.

The phone keeps ringing. I have no interest in answering.

4 Comments:

Blogger joe said...

wheres the eight page entry i was promised!!?!?!?!?

11:02 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

god damn joe... its coming... ;) its a lot to write about

12:43 PM  
Blogger Shayna said...

sorry about yesterday babe. hope we're all better now.....because i love you so much! i'm gonna try to come see you soon....or you can come see me....

hugs,

Shayna

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anthony said...

I could be wrong but I thought that playing with a hair tie on one's hand was a way of asking for sexual favors. (LOL, I learned that a not very fun/slightly humulating way)

5:18 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home