Sunday, June 12, 2005

Brazen

I've been asked by a few people in the last day or two why I haven't written another entirely to long, boring entry about my life. Actually just really Joe who wants to keep himself entertained. And you'd think that because i'm leaving tomorrow for three weeks without a computer I would be writing every day but for some reason for the first time I haven't had anything to say. Do you believe it? This was my last week in school, and I wasn't sleeping well and I had all these really vivid dreams about people in our grade, that I would wake up and remember perfectly. Then I wouldn't let myself face the fact that this was the last week of school and I don't know, I realized even more last night i'm just more confused then I ever was and I can't ever figure myself out.

Monologue was great... and if you really care, though its a million times better when i'm reading it, its here and then Henry's who started and ended the whole thing is here. Don't worry I got his permission to post it, i'm not THAT bad. The performance was really fun, and during the week I got in a huge argument, sorry DEBATE with Michael about basically the meaning of life which started about spirituality, then soul mates, then souls, then the meaning of life. I won... kind of... not really... we 'tied'. Well I poured Juliet's Nalgene on his head which was worth it all. Then Adam told Michael he had to write his monologue on what we were talking about and then I sounded like an idiot because I couldn't argue back because my monologue was about my brother instead. Whatever, it was fun. I can't believe that was only two days ago.

Take in point that I am allowed to make this entry as long as I fucking want as i'll be gone for three weeks. Whenever I mention TIP Nates goes casually, "nerd camp".

I've listened to RENT in the last two days more then I have in the whole last year. It's calming me down.

Well, in our year books that we got on Thursday, we had fourth year most likely to's and mine was quote, "Run out of things to be obsessed with and become obsessed with herself... oh wait" HAHAHA my friends are so cruel but so right.... Oh a Take me or Leave me just came on... nice. Graduation, I don't know what to say. Its weird i've been like thinking about this moment for what, four years? The time when its YOUR turn to finish and again I have nothing to say. I'm just not thinking about it that hard so to think I just turned off RENT and made myself play Spoon to wake myself up a little. Its twelve though and my contacts aren't in and I have to pack and call Sam R. and get out of bed for starters. But instead I got up to tell my dad some stuff people had told me and that I desperately want a Cafe Driade latte and then I went back in my bed and closed the door. I am oh so productive.

Graduation has become sort of famous in our school, that time where we sit in a circle and the advisors talk about the kids and why they are wonderful, one after another. Yeah, so I cried because I can't handle any situation ever without crying in some form or another, but I wasn't crying as much as people thought, that loud noise coming from my section was molli who was bawling on my shoulder. I was just... just... kind of letting the tears roll down my cheek. I wasn't being loud, though later Sam R. told me that I looked awful while I was crying to I wrote on his neck with this pen that he was mean. Ah! i love spoon. As Margolis would say, "That's funny cause its like spoon, am I right?" cracks up hysterically looking around for someone to join in the joke. No one does so hes standing their looking awkward until someone says something else he can make in to a sexual refrence. No offense Margolis, your quite a person. Well, as we all our self centered in the end, I could perhaps tell you all about what nice things other people said to each other, and how our grade is brilliant (cause we are) but instead i'll start with what Mig said to me. As my advisor she holds right to give me my flower and say something about me to the school, and I stand up there after she calls my name and she says, "Oh," small pause, "my god." And everyone laughs. Yes, so sometimes I do sound like that and Mig continues... "Oh, my god, oh my god did you see the OC last week?" Everyone's laughing now and Migs grinning at me. Then she said some other stuff that I wont go in to now, but we can just say that I felt like everything was perfect, and I was sitting next to Dru and we were close together and down the row tissues lay out about, and my camera was digging lightly in to my leg. After, Emma T. came up and I made her cry and then I couldn't even look at Mariah even though she's going to be right across the street for awhile. I kept telling Nate he should get in to it even though it wasn't a big deal. You have to pretend, I kept saying, or its not fun. Just pretend this is actually a lot more important then it actually is and you'll realize what your missing.

My party was really fun, I think at least. Jumping up and down in my room to backstreet boys is a highlight... my dad bought this HUGE box full of fireworks at Cotco that the guys couldn't help but worship. So, much to my moms dismay it kind of coupled off. And it was weird hugging michael goodbye because hes not coming back. Then Sam,Nate, and Ryan all left together and I wandered back in to the play room where Sam R. was playing 'boat' with my little brothers and he tells me that i'm the water monster and I have to die which gives me the worst position. Then finally we sneak away from the boys and go up in my room and talk for awhile. HOLY SHIT THE HUGEST BUG IS IN MY ROOM RIGHT NEAR MY FACE I AM ATTEMPTING NOT TO FREAK OUT. and we sat up in my room and both of us kind of let out a sigh... as if suddenly everything was figured out for once. And as much as you don't believe it for the first time in three months i'm not worried about the outcome. Its summer right? Nothing counts. I'm not worrying and its giving my mind a break.


And then like that... everyone's gone. And i'm leaving for camp and everyone's gone and its summer but I can't help but feel like i'm missing out on something, as if everyone's lives become highly more interesting over the weeks i'm gone. Georgia kept saying as we sat in my room trying to find a song to play on my speakers, i'm not going to see you for two months! two months! i'm not going to see you for two months! and for the first time ever I feel like i'm missing something over summer. That comfort of my people so to speak, you know that whole grade of ours that fit so nicely once in awhile. I'll be fine waiting until summer is over, its not that bad, its just the idea. How we kept walking around and the couples kept on being like, "nine weeks we wont see each other nine weeks!" Sizing up each other seeing who would have to wait the longest and leaving those to talk on the stairs alone. How ridiculous can we get, three months guys, I think we can wing it. Adam read my blog, and that's all i'm going to say. You should get it. Oh (pause) my god this bug is huge.

I wish I could say something more thoughtful, write a story, tell you something meaning full but i'm just so apprehensive and so excited about what's coming, and weezer's being played and my mom would be so mad if she found out i wasn't getting my stuff together right now. But i'm almost done, and then i'm free.

Brazen is a word... haha wow.. yesterday was fun.

So, don't forget about me while i'm gone, I sure as hell wont forget about you. Just, wait apprehensively for me to come back and talk and talk, but i promise i've learned to listen. One of the few mature things i've grown in to this year. Update your blogs! comment! I wont be able to handle leaving my comfort zone! or maybe it will be despratly good for me...

"When your heart has expired" Ah my RENT. Wow quite the last two days.

So that's it, the rest is secrets. Those are only for me.

So, as Mig has said and says, "I'll see you around the hood."

9 Comments:

Blogger Shayna said...

I love you and your blog. Man I'm gonna miss you so much. Have an awesome time at TIP and remember to tell me about all of your.....adventures.....when you get back! :-! (ok that secret smiley didn't work so well.... but you know what i'm talking about, right?) hahaha

x's and o's!

Shayna

12:37 PM  
Blogger joe said...

WHO COULD FORGET ABOUT REBECCA?!?!?! is that even legal?

1:52 PM  
Blogger Henry said...

Rebecca: Henry I am going to post your monolouge.
Henry: What you are?
Rebecca:Yes

Glad you got my permission. I too am going to miss you. Wait. Do you have computers there?

6:19 PM  
Blogger Maddie said...

You guys are lucky. At our graduation, they just called everyone up and gave you a piece of paper and shooed you out. No one cried, and it lasted way too long.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Maddie said...

And I'll definitely miss you too.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Ruthie said...

graduation rocked!
it was so sad tho. DId you contribute to dru and my pile of tissues too?

12:54 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

i'm at TIP MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spending my time... writing a comment on my own blog... how sad. i'll tell you allllll about it when i get back

1:22 PM  
Blogger joe said...

nerd camp...

2:42 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

Thats not a nice thing to call us. We are afterall commenting on your blog. get on AIM Express sometime while your there.

1:00 AM  

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