Friday, August 12, 2005


i've been staring at this red light on my cealing for the last twenty minutes. I know its been twenty minutes because i started right when the watch, the one i got when i was about nine beeped. This watch beeps exactly seven minutes before the hour, years ago got attached to this setting and its the only way i ever know how long i've been not sleeping. If you roll your eyes while watching this red light it moves. I think its the fire alarm. It only moves if you roll your eyes though, if you move them side to side it stays exactly where it is. Well its about twenty minutes since seven until one. So i guess then its a little after one. I keep lying there, and once in awhile this memory will come up and i'll roll over on to my pillow grinning because its so rediculously great. Like the time where we all tried to walk on the wall in the study room in Alspaugh, and Dylan taught us. Or the last day of camp, and Michael sitting on the bed next to me and i see him so clearly being so... so... him. Or two years ago that time where, or last summer when... I tried to get my room as dark as possible but thats not the problem. I have to wake up early tomorrow and i swore to my dad i'd be cheerfull. Go to bed, he told me at twelve. Well i'm in bed, i promise. Remembering moments always make me want for the moments again. But haven't i achieved the feeling of the moment already? Isn't it enough that I had the experiance and can always remember that. I suppose. Maybe i shouldn't think about that right now. I always wonder what other people think about when their trying to sleep.

hm, why do teachers thing writing poetry advances our intelligence. It might make us more soulfull or interesting but why are we required to right cinquains and hiaku's when really we know no one actually makes an effort to make them good if their for a teacher. I hated second period last year and no one realized why. That made it special in some way, i have a secret, not a very good one but still. Or the secret that i always have to sleep facing away from the wall, on my back because i'm scared of things...And i used to (and sometimes still) for awhile, during the day avoid mirrors because i was scared to see what other people saw.

No one knows what i think about when i'm falling asleep. It's always changing and never that interesting really. But, I always want to know what other people want...i'm not sure what else is as personal.

My clock beeped again, i suppose i should go and try to rest or something. Maybe i'll play with the red light a bit more.


Blogger Ruthie said...

i just turn on the light and read. or whats really fun is to get out of bed and run in circles and then try on ur fancy dresses.

3:49 PM  

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