Thursday, December 29, 2005

Rain pt. 2

I've listened to the same side of the same Dylan record four times. I tried to stop, i put on James Taylor but after one song gave up my feeble hope. It's as if I stop playing it everything i'm thinking isn't going to stay exactly where it is. My feet are cold. My window still keeps falling open.

I took some black and white photos two days ago of Oliver dancing in his spider man pajamas to Chuck Berry. The film got ruined because the camera fucked up.

The Album's Bringing it all back home. If it mattered. But maybe it does. Maybe to actually stay in the present i need to keep reminding myself of everything that's going on around me. Which would probably get tediously annoying after awhile.

I've started running in to things around me again. Like walls (actual ones not chris), or my dad, who takes up way to much space, or Georgia's stairs which i fell down yesterday. Well only two steps but still. Also my stomach hurt from all the nutmeg and nutella we consumed. I just started the record again. I had to turn on the lights to move the needle. I'm hoping i won't have to turn them back on again for awhile. There's this one scene in Ghost World where Thora Birch get that record from Steve Bushimi and she plays the same track over and over. Devils Got My Woman by Skip James i'm pretty sure. I really just want the whole soundtrack though. This is how i get every night. Distracted then tired. I have two more Dylan songs to go though and i'm hoping i can make my way through them without thinking about anything else. I need to find somewhere online where i can upload a quick time movie. Georgia and I fell asleep with all our clothes on last night. She fell asleep on the floor and somehow i got her bed.

I keep typing things. Sentences paragraphs and then deleting them. Nothing sounds at all remotely important. Maybe i should give this up. I've tried writing each day this week and ending up with absolutely nothing.

I love the rain.This rain. I've been feeding Nina's Neighbors cat for the past few days and tonight my mom dropped me off there on the way back from Elmos. Its been the first time we've been to Elmos since last week without my mom and Leo spent most of the time pretending to be a samurai with forks he found and putting my phone in his mouth which he thought was hysterical. Any ways when my mom dropped me off it was raining hard but it wasn't cold outside. I got the sopping wet key out from underneath the matt and took my time walking to the door. Rain's not bad at all. And then i had to get back in the car which was the worst part. But standing out in my driveway in the rain once we pulled in would have been to weird. I'm not sad, i'm not depressed i'm just in love with sitting somewhere with no real distractions. Like the dark. or something so monotonous as rain that it keeps you from thinking about much else.

We've been watching the partridge family since i got it on DVD for christmas. I've been doing so much with my family lately. Or with my brothers, the little ones, and my dad. Maybe i should stop that. I just haven't wanted to think about school or things connected to it. And i really don't want to go see King Kong. Which isn't related.
I think I kind of miss that kid.
Which isn't related either. I hung out with Matt last weekend, or i guess that was a two weekends ago. It was him, and Cat came along for awhile. I got out of the car and Sam M. was standing next to Regulator selling hot chocolate with a group of people. I talked to them for awhile and completely forgot i was supposed to meet Matt inside. So when Matt comes out, and i've been talking to this guy Austin who Anna wanted to me to meet which was one huge coincidence, i felt bad. Hanging out with Matt was fine, weird. fine, just weird. I felt like i was holding back a lot of things and he was too and i was in this completely different place from last year and he wasn't. We did talk about how annoying it is when people tell you that all their problems would be solved if only they had a girlfriend. Maybe it was just me though, but i felt like that was pretty much what he was telling me the entire time we hung out. That all his problems would be solved if only he found a girl who he really liked. I kept awkwardly nodding. But maybe i was hinting at something along those lines too. a boyfriend that is. Oh and he was also an asshole at one point and i yelled at him. But later that night i pretty much stalked Sam at Becky's party.

all right now i'm going to attempt and explain that question thing. Doesn't it seem that questions are this really prominent thing in our lives. If you keep thinking about it though, questions are usually completely self centered. I mean we ask if we want something or want to know something. But what if we take away the self centered part of question asking and see it as a different tool kind of? I guess. okay to stop explaining in any detail. isn't this a cool question : If i could ask you anything, anything at all, what would you want me to ask you?

only one person has answered me so far. Think about it, i'm allowed to ask you anything.

Want a Bob Dylan quote?
Half of the people can be part right all of the time,
Some of the people can be all right part of the time.
I think Abraham Lincoln said that.
"I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours,"
I said that.

i bought that record online tonight. Which makes me realize that however awful school is next week i can go home and listen to my Dylan album over and over and over again.

Sweet Dreams


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